


Time's Never Been On Our Side

by drunkniall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 20:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14340645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkniall/pseuds/drunkniall
Summary: “I’m at the 3Arena. Harry’s performing tonight,” Niall says, and he bites his lip when he can hear Louis’ softoh shit.“Why are you there? Aren’t you a thing with Hailee?” Louis asks and he should’ve known that Louis would be rational about this. He can be when he has to. Reason why he called.“Harry asked me. I’m going to tell him about Hailee and me. I think I’m ready to move on."or; Niall attends Harry's Dublin show. Angst ensues.





	Time's Never Been On Our Side

**Author's Note:**

> this is a mess, i'm sorry.

Niall’s biting his nails, tapping his phone against his thigh, running his hands through his hair, messing up his brown quiff. He is so nervous, which is so stupid, because it’s Harry. Just Harry.

He’s in the 3Arena’s bathroom, having a mental breakdown, regretting that he’s there. He shouldn’t have come, but when Harry texted him all casual, he replied embarrassingly fast, agreeing to come watch Harry’s show. He can never say no to Harry. Doesn’t want to either. Well, his brain does, but his heart always wins.

He comes out of the bathroom stall, walking up to the sink to wash his hands. He can barely turn on the faucet; his hands are shaking too much. He mentally slaps himself. _Will you calm down already?_ His eyes flicker up to the mirror, looking back at the boy with a pale face, and big, scared eyes. He looks like a mess. He _is_ a mess.

He can hear the crowd yelling and screaming. Niall assumes Mabel’s performance has just ended. He turns off the faucet and glances a look at his watch. Only thirty minutes to go until Harry has to get on stage. Only thirty minutes for Niall to get his shit together. Maybe he should leave. Text Harry that the recording with the choir has been delayed and he won’t make it on time. Or that Greg came by with Theo and he can’t ask them to leave.

His mind is making up all kinds of excuses, but his hands refuse to reach in his back pocket, take out his phone and type out a message to Harry. Deep down, he knows he wants to see Harry. Explain what happened. Get closure, finally.

His hands finally do reach inside the pocket of his pants, and before he realises it, he’s dialling a very familiar number. It’s only a few seconds until the person on the other end is picking up the phone with a cheery, “Nialler? What’s going on lad?” and Niall is so relieved to hear his voice.

“Tommo, I’m about to do something really stupid and you have to tell me if I should go through with it or not,” Niall explains, turning away from the mirror.

“Do it,” Louis says blatantly, as a joke, but Niall can’t bring up a laugh.

“I’m at the 3Arena. Harry’s performing tonight,” Niall says, and he bites his lip when he can hear Louis’ soft _oh shit_.

“Why are you there? Aren’t you a thing with Hailee?” Louis asks and he should’ve known that Louis would be rational about this. He can be when he has to. Reason why he called.

“Harry asked me. I’m going to tell him about Hailee and me. I think I’m ready to move on, Lou,” Niall whispers, and he never thought he would be able to say those words.

“If that’s what you need, lad, then do it. I support every single decision you’ll make tonight, but please don’t get back with Harry. You deserve to move on and be happy again, and Harry doesn't make you happy. It’s been long enough.”

Niall sighs deeply. He knows. He feels like a fool still not being over Harry. He’s tried forgetting him, but who on Earth can ever manage to get over Harry Styles, let alone forget him?

“Thanks, Tommo. I needed that. And I won’t. Get back with Harry, I mean. I won’t. I can’t,” Niall admits, and he can finally feel his heart stop racing. He takes a deep breath.

“We’ll meet up soon, yeah?” Niall adds, and he can almost hear Louis’ fond smile through his reply. “Yeah, of course. We’ll have a double date: El and me, and you and Hailee, how about that?”. Niall laughs airily, “Sounds good. Thanks again, Tommo. Miss you, always.” When Louis says his goodbye, Niall hangs up.

Niall leans down, turning on the faucet again and splashing cold water in his face. He’s ready. He can do this. He’s about to start getting over Harry Styles, for good.

He waits another fifteen minutes, until he can hear screams coming from the audience again, and he knows the lights have gone out. He walks out to the bathroom towards the concert hall, knowing he can enter without anyone recognising him in the dark. He inhales deeply and pushes open the door towards the hall, sudden darkness surrounding him.

His eyes roam the room, looking for that place he was standing at the previous time he went to Harry’s show. It’ll give him a good view, but it won’t attract too much attention if he’s standing there. He walks towards it, looking at the ground to lower the risk of people seeing him. When he gets there, he closes his eyes for a second as he feels his hands starting to get sweaty. He leans against the wall, feeling a bit out of place. He wishes he brought his friends with him, but he also knows he should do this alone. 

The screaming around him suddenly takes on another volume when he hears _Should we just search for romantic comedies on Netflix and then see what we find?_ His eyes fixate on the stage, where the screen is slowly going up. Niall barely has time to register what Harry’s wearing, because he’s a blur of thrown kisses and waves and skips on stage in a matter of seconds.

Harry’s opening up with Only Angel, and Niall is almost convinced Harry has forgot Niall was supposed to come tonight because he doesn't seem to be looking for Niall. But then Harry’s singing _End up meeting in the hallway every single time_ and their eyes meet. Niall heart stops and speeds up at the same time. Harry gives him a little thumbs up. Yeah, Harry definitely knows he's there now. The eye contact is gone when Harry is the first one to look away.

The concert is amazing. There’s no denying Harry’s golden on stage. Born to perform. He gives every single song his all. Makes jokes at the right time. Thanks the fans, his band, the crew in the right way. Plays guitar as smooth as Niall has seen it, and Niall tries very hard not to think about the first guitar lesson he gave Harry.

Niall tries not to think any of it when Harry’s eyes meet his during certain parts of a song. First there’s Medicine, a song Niall hasn’t heard before. He thinks he can make out _the boys and the girls are in, I mess around with him, and I’m okay with it_. Harry’s eyes find his exact at the word _him_ , and Niall can feel his cheeks heat up.

The following eye contact is during If I Could Fly, and it’s as if in that moment, they both _know_. 

The last time green meets blue is when Harry is chatting up the crowd, and Niall stops dead in his little dance moves when he hears, “There’s three things I love about Ireland. The first thing is…” and he almost misses the crowd screaming ‘Niall’ over the pounding of his heart in his ears. Niall’s eyes immediately try to look for the ones of the boy in the middle of the stage, who has a beaming smile on his face. Harry brings the mic up to his mouth and whispers an adorably endearing ‘Maaaaybe…’. That’s when Niall leaves the room.

*

When Niall is walking backstage towards Harry’s dressing room, he gets beaming smiles from every single person he passes, recognises some from when One Direction toured, and he wonders how many of them know about _them_. About _NiallandHarry_ and what they used to be. If they heard or saw them sneaking into a random empty room to kiss. Or when they accidentally walked in when Niall and Harry were cuddling on the couch. Or maybe they just caught a simple look given between the two boys and that was enough to know.

He gets to the door with ‘Harry Styles: main act’ written on a piece of paper, and Niall recognises the handwriting below as Harry’s. ‘ _Spread love._ ’ Niall wants to roll his eyes, because that’s such a Harry thing to do. He looks over his shoulder, checking if anyone is watching him. When he’s sure he’s alone, he enters the room and shuts the door quickly. The room is blissfully empty, and Niall seats himself on the couch against the wall. Now all he has to do is wait for Harry to end his performance and meet him here.

*

Niall is pacing around the room, his mind occupied with trying to come up with what exactly he’s going to say to Harry. Deep down he already knows it’s useless, because he knows he’ll forget how to speak once Harry is in front of him. He’s so deep in thought he doesn’t register the door opening and closing, and then there are soft hands cupping his face and lips meeting his.

Niall wants to pull back, but for a few seconds, he gets lost in the feeling of Harry’s soft, wet mouth softly kissing his own. He wants to cry with the way it makes him feel when Harry kisses him like that. Like he's important. As if he's the only one. 

“Ni. I’ve missed you so much.”

Niall’s brain finally wakes up at that. _No._ This is not what he’s here for. He pushes Harry away, two hands on the boy’s chest. Harry’s eyes flutter open, a confused expression covering his face. “Niall, what’s wrong?” he asks, and when he's about to take a step forward, Niall shakes his head.

“You can’t just kiss me like that,” is what Niall decides on saying.

Harry laughs, “Why not? Pretty sure you don’t mind.”

“Because I don’t think me girlfriend would like that.” There. He said it. It came out harsh, but at least he said it.

Harry’s smile drops immediately, and his eyes are searching Niall’s face for a sign that he’s joking, playing a stupid prank or something. He runs a hand through his hair when he can find none. Niall thinks he sees a little shake in Harry’s fingers.

“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” Harry says, and his voice is soft, and trembling just a little.

Niall bites his tongue, trying to keep the words inside that are fighting to get out. He obviously lost the battle when he hears himself say, “Used to be my line, that.” 

Confusion flashes across Harry’s face, and then hurt settles in. “ _Baby_ , we’ve talked about this. I thought we were okay.”

Niall ignores the butterflies in his tummy at the pet name. “But we’re not. We’re not _okay_. We’re not _good_. We’re nothing.”

When Harry steps forward and reaches for Niall’s face with his stupid hand and his stupid rings and stupid nail polish, Niall turns his head. Harry’s hand falls back down at his side. “Don’t say that. We’ll always be something. You know that,” Harry tries.

“What if I don’t want that anymore? What if I want us to stop being something? I’ve moved on, Harry. I can't do this anymore, whatever it is or isn't,” Niall’s tone is harsh. He’s angry that he’s let himself be hurt for so long, and that Harry has been the one to cause that hurt.

“Have you? Why are you here then?” _Touché._

“I needed to tell you in person. We’re done, Harry,” and Harry is already stubbornly shaking his head. “Bullshit, we’re not. We were doing good. C’mon, Ni.”

The laugh that escapes from Niall’s lips sounds bitter. “We were doing good?! What exactly is your definition of doing good? One person putting all the effort into the relationship and getting none in return? One person supporting the other’s career but not the other way around? Or one person flirting with meaningless models while the other is waiting for them at home? Is that what you mean with good? Because if it is, then yeah, we were doing fantastic.”

Harry almost cringes at the venom in Niall’s voice. “Where is this suddenly coming from? I thought we dealt with this.”

“We didn’t. You came up with some excuses and I believed them because I loved you.” Only after he’s said that, Niall realises he used the past tense. _Loved_.

Harry caught it too, and Niall watches his bottom lip tremble and his eyes fill with tears. “You don’t love me anymore.” It’s not a question.

Niall’s eyes sting at the vision in front of him. He’s always hated seeing people cry, but when it’s Harry, it hurts just that little bit more. Everything is always a little bit more when it comes to Harry.

Niall takes a deep breath, and his throat is starting to feel all tight. He is the one closing the space between them this time. He lifts up his hands, cupping Harry’s face. His thumb wipes away the tear that has spilled onto Harry’s cheek. Once he does that, more tears keep coming.

“I thought we were okay,” Harry whispers, his voice cracking on the last word. "Please give me the chance to do better. I will. I don't want to lose you, Ni." 

Niall shuts his eyes for a moment, trying to calm down the erratic beating of his own heart. 

"I've given you so many chances, but it never changes. It's just who you are, H. If I give you another chance, you'll do better for two weeks, maybe a month, and then we'll be back to the start again." He doesn’t want to say the next words, but he has to. Has to pick himself this time.

“I’ll always love you, petal. I just can’t put myself through this anymore. I’ve been hurting for so long. I need to move on from this. I need to be happy again.”

“I want to be the one to make you happy,” is what Harry replies.

Niall smiles, but it’s one of the saddest smiles that has ever lingered on his face. “I am happy. Is that not enough for you?”

Harry cries a little more at that, and Niall can feel Harry’s heart beating where their chests are touching. “Are you really? As happy as I made you?”

That makes a quiet sob leave Niall’s mouth. He presses his forehead against Harry’s. “I soon will be, I think. She’s a great girl. I deserve this. Please let me move on, H.”

All Harry can do is cry. There’s a salty taste on his lips from the tears that keep falling. More salt is added when Niall’s tear stained lips meet his. Harry can tell it’s not a kiss see you later. It’s a kiss _goodbye_. He tries to hold on as long as he can, and lets out a sad noise when Niall pulls away.

“Please, put me first, _for once._ ”

And then Niall’s gone, only the ghost of his kiss and Harry’s heartbreak left behind in the quiet room.


End file.
